she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
