I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
