I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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