we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
