Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
