Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
