no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
