i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
