my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
