also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He kissed a someone with a penis
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
