Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
