I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
