dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
