I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
