my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
