Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
