OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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