I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
