my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
