..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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