Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i came on her dog
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
