it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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