mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
