We named our party play list daddy issues
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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