By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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