Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
