I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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