News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
