I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
