I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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