Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
