whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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