I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
