in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
