If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
