Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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