Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
