sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
