none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
