Umm I'm too high to move.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
