Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
