I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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