Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
