Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She is in my trunk
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
