see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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