I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
