Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
