i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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