I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
