We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
