and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
