how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
