in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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