running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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