I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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