Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
